Aaaaaarrrrrrrrghhhh

I have so much time on hand, its ridiculous! I wake up at odd hours, sleep at odd hours, and in between i do odd stuff. I think i am turning into an odd ball! such a contrast from last week, when i had an awesome week! (thanks di and jiju) But, the best part of this enhanced velagiri is the fact that i have time to collect my life and the pieces.
Ever realized that life is always loaded against you? You think you have it all, but life has this habit of knocking you off, at those crucial things where you are most comfortable and most confident.
You think you love the job- next day you are laid off; you love someone- though love is a term that is overhyped about and over used- and pfffttt.. suddenly its all smoke and broke; you are healthy as a log- and then suddenly you are so fallow and weak that you dont know what hit you. You know what i am talking about- right! and once u have been hit and weak, then ull be hit repeatedly, in more spots. so take the first few blows well..and laugh it away!!
And as many of u, in ur heights of being blue- would have realized the ultimate truth- there never is anyone looking out for you. only one way to get out of a rut- pull urself out.
I think i am now a paranoid person- i just cannot envisage a happy life; infact i look for something to go wrong, makes me feel comfortable. S&M people might call it- but thats just the way i am.
And right now, i am damn pissed!!!!!!

And,just for the record,this is the third time i am using the same title for my blog! Does that make me a perpetually sullen guy?? or is it just my paranoia?? :D
And no questions asked and none will be answered!

The Bedtime Story

He looked left..right.. up..down...all around... with a guilty look on his face.. prayed that no one would move..and fired away...once he was done- no one would be alive. ultimately, with a lift of his eyebrow, he nodded his head in choice disapproval at the carnage and walked away.
He was a born killer. Seeing the violent streak in him, his parents changed his diet to a purely vegeterian one, in the hope that it would calm him down (they survived simply cos of the perennial family disease- the boy had it too!) . But, no.. if anything it seemed to aggravate him even more. After umpteen prayers to the Goddess, and breaking coconuts at the temple of the family deity, they finally decided to offer him to the lord to ease the sufferings for others. But, as luck would have it, in the case of most villains, a lion attacked his would-be assassin, and then was promptly killed by the little boy (such amazing power..!!)
Many a year, he lay in wait- he was old enough to know that he was the son of the king, when they planned to kill him. He waited and waited...in the forest, foraging for food, and hunting down animals much bigger than himself with his strange strength- all along dreaming only of winning back his kingdom.
He prayed to the Heavens above to ease his sufferings. Nothing changed- and well, as young boys do, he grew up into a handsome regal man, and his prowess grew too. There were talks about the radiant youth who lured travellers and killed them in one single stroke and was busy building a small treasure trove in the woods.
The king was at a loss for words. He knew it had to be his son- but there was no way he could be stopped- not after the prophecy that no man could enter within 100 yards of him and hope to survive (man= human being..this aint no LOTR.. and the boy aint no lord of the nazgul! :D.. and remember i aint no sydney sheldon- my main protagonist will never be a female :D)
And then, an old man rose. He said he had an invention that could get the prince back to the normal world, allow him to be king..and yet not try to steal away from the prince his powers! He went to the woods, and spoke loudly to the youth (using a "loudspeaker"). The prince liked what he heard, and agreed to walk back with the arrangement. And thus, was the greatest ruler on the face of the earth crowned king.
Thus, in this small kingdom were invented the two greatest inventions of mankind- the loudspeaker and the surgical masks!

Mebbe this will help!

dhadham bhudam bhayam naa-asti
suiyee guiyee cha madhyame
tuss puss mahaa ghoram
nishabdam prana sankatam

Special Thanks to Anita !!! :)

And yeah..the perennial family disease was...??? :)

Tips :D

Do your eyes water when u cut onions? if they dont naturally, you are weird; if they do, try chewing a gum, especially a cardamom gum..stops the watering...:)

Are you losing hair? use some olive oil...and mix a few drops of rosemary oil (something like that), and spray ur head with it.. :D and hope for the best! am sure someone on the comment sheet will state this more clearly!

Want to watch the WC and your girlfriend ain't letting you? Contact anil on the comment sheet for loads of good and even more not so good reasons :)...

Want to impress a girl? heres a good one-liner... " feed two birds with one seed" a take from the kill two birds with one stone..its gentler..and shows ur humane side (hahahaha)..the difficult part is to get the conversation to this one-liner :D...other times... just letting her know that shes damn pretty will excite her vain side...worth a try! :)

Does your girl complain about how that one other girl has a good voice? this is the bestest ever.. learnt it yday in austin-.. feed the other girl.. some helium... how?? i dont know..thats ur prob.and hear her squak :))))) its really really cool!! this is a cool party trick too :)

Want a cool party game? beer pong! its fun. the objective is to drop a ping pong ball in beer glasses of the opposite team.. once u do that.. your opponents have to drink all the beer glasses in front of them. usually a 2-on-2 game, with 2 beer glasses in front..(mebbe we play 2-0n-2 for economical reasons :D) ..gets the girls drunk.. cos most girls suck at aiming at their balls.. pun unintended :D and if u are a guzzler..u can lose and drink lots!!! :)

Do you fart a whole lot of smelly ones?? Then try this... put a small onion in your butt creek for about 15 mins.. then have a shower in such a condition.. and then carefully remove the onion..and flush it away.. i guarentee you...your farts wont smell...!!

Smelly arm-pits? do not even work with a lot of deodorant??hmmm... try bathing! if u are a regular bather.. then try coating the armpits with besan (hindi word) overnight.. it really cures!


Now that i have answered all the questions u ever wanted answers about... i have one of my own..please answer...Why do u all think i am so cool??? :)

As you can see i am damn jobless...and am looking for some self-bashing :)

RUDY!!!!

You can watch some movies-one time and feel touched.. you can watch others- a few times before ur dumb head can register what its all about and then feel touched.. and then there are some others that touch you with their simplicity, the honest portrayal of events and the honest desciprtion of the brutal truth that is life.
Rudy is one such movie. I can see it like a million times, and each time, I am left with an overwhelming feeling of triumph, of joy, and of looking at my life and thanking god for what i have.
What a story... i just love it! If you have seen it... then you know what i am talking about.. For the rest, here goes....
A small town boy.. follows a college football team all his life and dreams of going and playing for the team.. his poor grades and unsupporting family.. all lead him to nearly give up his dream.. how he fights back against all odds.. and how he gets one chance to prove his worth..in the final game of his college career...its simply superb!!!
If you haven't seen the movie..please see it! no more words!go watch it!!!
For the uninitiated, its a little like Jo Jita Wohi Sikandar.. only that its an even more honest depiction of events..!!!watch it, you'll love it.. and you'll thank me for this lead!!

PS: This is one movie that can actually make me cry!!!! people will say that i cried for others. GB u might have something to add..but this one..i can fill a bucket!!! :)

Train.. of thoughts!

saw my table..got reminded of how much fight i had to put to get into shape!! which led me to think abt my skills with tools- reminded me of iit workshops....and in a flash...i was back to my childhood.
those high castles.. those maids...all those people feeding me with silver spoons... :D.. on more realistic terms..i remember very little... only fleeting memories..and some stolen moments!! and then i thought about all those things that have shaped me into the person i am.. here are my top picks....

1) pepsi... not the cola.. the 50p, Re1 pepsi.. frozen coloured water..stored in packets :).. aah sweet bliss.. i still remember asking mum for Rs2 for Soya milk ( hated it...ewwww) and use it to buy this pepsi.. used to feel on top of the world then to have 2 on the bus..and 2 on the walk back home.. duh! :) red color was my fave..there was a milk version to it.. had it once a week as a treat! :)

2)Cadbury- i think this was a routine in most households..or a similar one atleast... i used to get a big bar of cadbury during exams..i was allowed to eat one piece..or two..depending on the size of that block..each day..i remember savoring every second that the cadbury was in my mouth.. somehow, chocolates dont have the same impression on me anymore, nor do i feel any cravings for them now! familiarity..they say..breeds contempt!!

3)Frooti- as a kid.. it was deeply ingrained into me..that fizz was bad!! dont ask me why.. i hate fizz again now..but its outta choice..anyway.. frooti and maaza were the only soft drinks for me.. i loved/still love the green tetrapack of frooti.. it reminds me of home..comfort..etc etc.. dont ask me why! but thats just it!

4)Cheap games- hide and seek... langadi(hahaha.i used to play the throw-stone-do-weird-stuff- pick-stone-get-back-to-home-base games..and i really enjoyed it.. ).. seven stones (classic)... jolly..mafai..thumsup.. chain.. heaven(was a paper game!!), maarampeeti,i-spy (also called ice pice :)) ) .. playing some level of sword fight with the buds of the gulmohar tree.. looting kites (i was like a little tramp..running all over the roads..looting kites..for a really long time..i could not fly them and those were the best kite flying seasons of my life!!!)..and generally fooling around! i see kids now.. and i think they have a more complicated routine life!! and i feel bad for them ..

5)Cricket... most indian kids.. esply the guys are made to play cricket at an early age.. why?? cos it simply is religion in india.. i lost a blue bat.. a brand new one..and i remember crying forever.. and searching like mad all over the playground..before going home..and sheepishly admitting to losing it.. expected a tough talking down..but just got a "are you alright" lecture... and just when i was feeling better... i was blasted.. hehe :)

6)Potato Fry- yummm!! need i say anymore?? :)

7)Learning to ride a bicycle- Not a common experience.but i had a blast.it gave me my freedom. my wheels :)..and i had plenty of accidents.. i started off with a huge cycle..and boy.. did i have some nasty falls... i first realized then..that a knock on the balls..can be really really really painful! that horizontal rod on hero ranger- arrgh...nearly made me give up my manhood!! :)

8)The first kiss.... it was so divine..and so pure.. and so unexpected..and so special!! ppl who know me will say cha... and i will agree :)).that didnt happen till way later!

9) DD cartoons-god level.. jungle book,spiderman, giant robot ( this had no particular timings .. made it all the more special), vikram vikram vikram..betal betal betal :)),
PS: also remember those agro serials on DD?? i thght they were the worst max..but in hindsight they were probly the most informative on DD then!!!

10)Throwing milk down the drain routine- I hated milk on a few days..and could never ever get myself to have it.. no matter how hard i tried on those days..had to devises ingenious ways to dispose it off..and no..am not revealing it here!!

how did these things mould me?? i dont know ..i figure that since i remember them..they must have had some meaning in my life..eh?? :))so long.. hope this post gets the kid out in you! Go have a cassata ice-cream on me :)

This one's too good!! :)

Finally one for the rogue's gallery people. Poor ol' tired me!! after a tough day watching the WC matches!!
Point 1: i am not usually that dirty....i do have a bath..and my room has seen better days..and my mattress does have sheets!
Point 2: i havent had a complaint from anyone that i snore.. this i believe is an aberration!
Point 3: the snoring, if considered, is my only fault!! so do not be scared of me..please!!
Point 4: Enjoy.. and overlook all the above points anyway
Point 5: I dont know why i am putting it up.. the masochist in me i guess!! but i know u guys will have a laugh..so will the ladies!!

Newspapers!

I am amazed..simply amazed by the e-editions of Indian Newspapers..they are as sleazy as sleazy can ever be!!! Today's headlines- I repeat headlines, on the Times of India- read "Item Girl Rakhi Sawant has filed a molestation case against singer Mika for forcibly kissing her" Duh!!!! I agree we are a lascivious country-( you say we are not- dudes..look at the population :D..how did it come about??), but this has to take the cake. Unbelievable headline.

Time for some softening. Ok- I agree, they have one sleazy caption like this everyday and it is indeed not a headline but just the way they arrange their newspaper on the net; their unique identity they once called it, having a catchy photograph and a gossipy article (rolling over eyes...yeah.. whatever!!.. if that was ever an identity, then the Khajuraho Temples have the right to it- minus the captions of course!) but, can't come up with something better? They call themselves the Times of "INDIA" for heaven's sakes!!!

A friend of mine at work wanted to look at an Indian newspaper- I tried "The Hindu"- the site took a while to open and froze the net for a good few seconds- friend went "wince wince"- oh i forgot the one pop-up that made it out too. (But, The Hindu atleast gives its readers that it is a serious newspaper- it gives some views of happenings atleast-thank god for that) He said another please, this one's not too iwell organized. I was a little offended, but I said ok- let me try TOI- out came 3 terrific pop-ups and then Rakhi babe. Too good! What an impression about Indian standards. (After all the good impression they formed seeing me, that was a let-down :D)

Also the bloody buggas update it at their own free wish and will. I made some smart-ass comment about livng in Hyd to Shweta in 2002 that got published thanks to her the next day. It was out on the e-edition in 2005!! WTF??!! Ok, maybe that ain't too much of an issue because I ain't no big fry. But, it takes them forever to even update headlines. I heard about some major issue ( I shall avoid talking about that issue in this post!) a good 18 hours after it happened on the TOI website. Don't newspapers have a moral responsibility to get the news out ASAP?? Isin't that what they are for??

The sooner they realize that the e-editions are going to be big profit makers in the long run; and the best way to flash headlines and interesting events as they unravel; and hence, the addded importance of making the e-edition as eye-pleasing as possible- the better!

Also, consider the big advantage- the better their e-edition, the more readers they'll have on the net, the fewer the actual paper readers, the more their profits as the middle newspaper men are eliminated. That's what they want right! More importantly, the lesser trees that have to be cut. A little too far-fetched you might say, but food for thought- right!! :)

While we are on the topic of newspapers, loads of people from AP will confess to reading and even loving another shady newspaper called Deccan Chronicle- apna DC :). It had the highest circulation ( or thereabouts!)- and is the shabbiest newspaper ever! The Editorial once ended in the middle of a sentence- a middle of a paragraph- and to top it all, no apologies the next day either!! I loved all the gossip it came with though. I feel these bloody newspapers must stop pretending to serve as newspapers and move over to the sleaze world. We want that, don't we? :) The more the sleaze magazines the better!

All this because I am angry about no newspaper covering a superhuman effort by an Indian student in Duke (its Dooke) University. He ran the 100 metres in 10.06 seconds- shattering the Indian record in the process. He is young, and recovering from illness and can only get better. On being quizzed whether he wanted to run in the Olympics- he said, well in a couple of year's time I can probably make it to the American team- but I won't because I am an Indian-period. And I won't run for India, because no one supports me, finances me, no one even wants to publish my achievements in the newspapers. Damn sad!
Anil- we are there for you mah man!! Keep running :)

Ok- the last paragraph was BS, but I am sure many such people and missions are overlooked in the overzealousness support of sleaze by the media. Time to think and arrange the papers better please. Or people like me, "the over-dependent on the net one's" will stop following Indian happenings altogether. And believe me, there are more and more people like me... Anyone from the media listening??

where?? where?? where??what?? why?? how?? when??? really??

he is a frigging monster....he was mean to me.. he took me out..the jerk did..and started dancing with tasha.. the asshole...ohh my godd!! are u serious?? he did that??? i told u he looked like an asshole... u are better off without him...
hey bra wassup(thats the way the drawl sounds..bro is what it stands for!!)..miami maan.. shaq and dwayne.. dwayne plays like akebi (some guy on the street i guess!!)..sweet jesus...i want them to win..show that prick kobe what its all about!!yea bra..u get that right.. frigging lakers.. a whole show of nonsense...
aacha suno.. aapne woh documents mangwaaliye?? bhul gayaa!! abhi karwalenge!!har din postpone karte ho... aapko maa kaa aana pasand hi nahin hai...kya bol rahi ho??har din chak chak!hmpph!
iits unbelievable the kind of bullshit that bush puts us through..well we voted him back in didnt we..thank god...we have a constitution that says..only 2 terms and no more..am pretty sure he would have won the third too..good lord!! *guffaw*... but..well he does preside over a bunch of dumb people.. look at everyone ard!! (look at urself bitch!!)
hey thats a pretty coat u have on there...me? thanks..i saved for this one!well..it worked...it suits u..and brings out the best features in you... its comfortable..yet shows u well..if u know what i mean *wink*..hahaha.. u arrreeee interesting!! .. i am kaylee..jack..the pleasures all mine!
(this was actually in mandarin..but for the convenience of most of u.. i have translated it!!) the activity based model is all screwed..remember what we were talking in class about.. those bloody idiots didnt use a nested logit model...but.. why should they?? see ..he has checked for the IIA property.. its all fine..but u got to be kidding me... blah blah!
(and this one from italian!!.. also add loads of gesticulations..) cannavaro..nesta.. no zambrotta.. totti.. hmmm... sounds pretty interesting eh! i have my doubts about pirlo though.. time for de rossi.. what does the wife say tony? aah..same old..she wants some cheese..for the get together.. looks like rooney will play eh! yeah... england do look strong..but they dont have the mental strength to win it... try the cesar shop on 42nd and madison.. good cheese..i go there regularly... i think henry will have a good tournament.. but the guy is too expensive...etc etc..(goes on to eternity.. dont their hands fall off????)
but mom..i want that lipstick soooo bad!! u know thats the only thing i have asked of u in a while.. well..u shuld have saved from ur allowance...mom..i hate ya...u bought rob a nice bright new yellow truck..but it was his birthday...so what?? this is unfair..so unfair *sulk*
hmmm..i love you sweetheart....what do u think we do this evening? u naughty lil bastard.. i told u no games today.. i have a big exam next week..well..u said it yday too... i like it when u study.. it makes it more worthwhile...*peck peck* hmmmm.....mmmm... *smoooch* (hot dog city)
and here i go..blink blink... holding on..to that one pole thatll keep me from falling!! blissfully unaware of everything happening ard me!!

An everyday occurance in a train..plenty of converstaions..plenty of languages.. plenty of dialects and terrific spread of conversations... for an eavesdropper like me...this is like mannah from heaven!! :))) .....if i were u..id make sure that ipod was plugged in real hard in my ears real hard!!

ONE OF THE TOP 10 INVENTIONS OF THE CENTURY: The portable music player..
keeps the eavesdroppers away... helps u to listen to music..makes u look cool... keeps ur mind off things... and makes u feel like u own the world!! :) DO I HEAR ANYONE COMPLAINING ABT THIS ONE????!!!!

Didi- the monster!! :)

since i have tickled a few funny ribs including my own... i have been in a quandry..do i go with the flow?? do i make another funny post?? or do i just be random?? i feel like a film director.. the creme de la creme... and what does that make most of u who read my posts?? top actors and actresses... ok ok..jokes apart we do have one budding starrrrrrr among us ... soon to be seen on telly :D..the rest of us can just dream to be on tv :)...anyway...
i got down thinking to all the funny things in my life... one thing comes straight to my mind .. actually 2..and didi ill never forgive u for them...:)))

CUT to SCENE 1
A in class.. studious kid... (yeah yeah those were the days... II standard)
Teacher- ok... blah blah blah.. do you know what AD is?? like in 1965 AD ( yes yes..i am old )
A- me me me.. After Death (gloat)
T- no.. no (what an oaf) its anno domini..blah blah.. year of the lord..blah blah
A- am back home yayyyyy (no hobbes to knock the stuffing outta me... but as u will see i have an equivalent in my sister :D)
A- akka.. did u know what AD means?
Ani- Yes.. means anno domini
A- ( looking up proudly at didi.. woww.shes smart) how did u know that?
Ani- *grin* do u know what BC means?
A- Before Christ?
Ani- no u silly billy... come here let me tell you (secretly whispers into the ear).
A- wow!! now teacher ask me tomorrow..gloat gloat.. (these were pre-google days!! no enthu for me to read books to cross check!)
T- What is BC?
A- me me me me meeeee...
T- aah ok..anurag.u seem like u know the answer
A- (imaginary trumpets ringing.... gets up slowly... looks ard.. smiles at the poor ignorant fools sitting in their chairs... chest pushed out....) yes, i do know the answer... tadaa tadaaa....
BOMMA CAMINI!!!!
T- What? you joker!! come here... whack whack.. stop making fun of this class!!!
A- at home... amma..akka told me this..akka knows more than the teacher..akka cannot be wrong..( i actually supported you dodo... what a young naive fool i was!!! haha)

SCENE 2
A has turned 20..i think...way too long back!! ani is in the US..and calls once a while.. and we have a blast...anyway..nice convo going...suddenly

A- i cant hear a thing!!!
Ani- something wrong with the connection... its cranky...
A- yeah..sure sounds like it!!
Ani-yeah..i know...let me call u back...

Cut to 2 mins later...tring tring...
A- Hello ka
Ani- hello hello hello
A- what?
Ani- can u feel it?? its an echo echo echo....
A- yeah...i sure can.. (getting excited) ma ma..come here. this is too much..the lines echoing.. wowww
Ani- ha hahahaha hahahaha hahahahah ahhahahaha
A- cant make out if its an echo or not!!! still thinks its an echo!! :)
Ma- u crazy idiot.. stop cracking such silly jokes...
A- not again...cant believe shes made a fool of me...AGAIN!!!

END OF STORY!!!!

Wassup??

A-Wassup?
Rahul- nee amma... this thesis is killing me ra baabu.. aa aa..

A-Wassup?
Adi- what da? putting pseud again aa?

A-Wassup?
Priya- hey! not much.. (singing tone!!!) wassup with u?

A-Wassup?
Anil- nee amma... this hair on my chest is killing me!! that girl is driving me mad ra baabu.. shes one irritating woman..she gets onto my nerves..but i love her!!!
A- hehe... sounds interesting..lets bitch again :)...pisssssuuuuu
Anil- anuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

A-Wassup?
Kee-today, i woke up late..i went out with anil..we were out for 6 hours..i then had lunch.. i met reena.. spent some time with her..am going to stamford soon..am excited..am worried abt life though ra..too many things happening..i lost my shoelace... etc etc..
A- blink blink

A-Wassup?
Saikri- same old same old!! not much has changed!

A-Wassup?
Megs- wassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssup?? ela unnav ra?

A-Wassup?
Shweta- damn busy ra..can i get back to you??

A-Wassup?
Didi- today..i went to the farm...i ploughed the land..i harvested tomatoes.. they gave me a bag full of veggies... am happy...
A- wow!! terrific :)

A-Wassup?
Sid- Wassup enti ra nee talakaaya!! arre..neeku koncham sepu lo call chesta?? ok na!!
(i love the way u put it softly dude..dil fe)
A- sure ra.... baadacow..cheyyaka pote gudda pagals..
Sid- orrei vonage em ayindi??
A- tomorrow ra..tomorrow

A-Wassup?
GB- oye.. dont put fake accent..i hate guys who have this american accent... i had one friend.. who i had a crush on..who came back from america and had an accent..ooh god..it was sooo bad. how are you?
A- blink blink.. am ok (till now!!)

A-Wassup?
Banthi- em untadi nee amma...anta ala ne undi ra ...hmmm...how are you?

A-Wassup?
Bhargav- nothing much ra (followed by silence... no question ..nothing..makes u wonder if he wants to talk to you!!)

A- Wassup?
Vishnu- aaa sky??
A- nee amma..malli kullava?? nee valla nenu kuda ade answer andariki istunnanu ra yedava!

A- Wassup?
Saikiran-aaa aaa umm where are you?

A- Wassup?
Kiran- sky is up... wats up there?
A- whammmoooo

A- Wassup?
Runa- eeendii raaaa adi?? (typical bhadrachalam accent!!!)

A- Wassup?
Sumanth- hey mama..em ledu ra..ela unnav?

A-Wassup?
Megha- i cant hear anything.. i am in the theatre.. can i call you back?
A- (again?? bewarse :D) sure ra!

A- Wassup?
Ravi- komandude :D kommondude!! eye yaam doooying wokay.. don't ask who is wokay,wokay?
A- hahahaha

A- Wassup?
Divya- hey ssupsup?

One Question- myriad answers.. each one uniquely different and all interesting.. :) brings out the best/ beast/worst out of most people..and just one word :) Many others have been left out owing to unoriginal answers.. :D