Ultimate Aim in Life

Sorry to take a reasonably long break again.. if anyone cares that is :D... And also, I have decided to keep the venom spewing spree on hold...it's a good time of the year, people can do without the crap.

Very early in my life, all I wanted to achieve in life was to drive a State-Operated bus- it fascinated me, with it's huge steering wheel- this remains my life's first remembered interest. Mom claims that I loved buffaloes too, but, somehow, am pretty sure they did not interest me quite as much.

Somewhere along the line, I developed a rather queer habit of smelling currency notes and guessing where they had come from: kerosene store, bakery, grocery store, bus-conductor etc. Again, it has been purpoted that I was pretty accurate-100% hit-rate, they tell me now.

This rather weird habit was discarded for playing sport, and the equally irritating habit of wanting to win, almost always at any cost, rather dastardly, if you ask me; but, as most who know will vouch- this habit still exists- i am a sore loser, even worse than Mr. Mourinho :D(for those of you ill-versed with football, that's the name of the coach of the Chelsea Football Club).

And oh, somewhere along the line, I also was rather fatally attracted to the smell of petrol, as most kids of my age back then. A few years later, I loved the idea of rebelling- I dreamt of piercing my ear,if only to heckle others; being rude to others was a good pass-time too;

At other stages in my life, I have flirted with the idea of being a terrific sportsman- shattering all records out there; have had more than a fair appetite for all things petite and gorgeous; a burning desire to be the center-of-attraction at all gatherings-private and public (often with disastrous results as many of my "dear" friends will state emphatically).

If I were to quantify them under major categories- it would have to be:

A) Big,flashy things and a life as big as a magnum opus- Me loves (bus, sportsman, center-of- attraction)
B) Money
C)Oil/Petrol
D)Care-two-hoots about others; the desire to succeed at all costs

Very materialistic things, and what most people seem to want to achieve in their lives. Is it something that has been fed sub-consciously into our system? or is it just me? Nowhere have I veered to the side of calmness,patience,supportiveness,understanding or even friendliness.
Needless to say, I hope none of the interests described in this post in some detail turn out to be my long-term goals. A little too late maybe to hope this, considering how old I am already, but I really do not know!

Present Mood: Confused about the big picture!!!!

- And the Phonex Rises Again

Most of the readers I ever had must've given up on me by now. :) Seems like Jai has been waging a lone battle to get me back :). Missing his two-pence of caustic bashing I guess. Gunj's been at it too. She wants her share of Anurag-bashing too, albeit on a much more manageable level. :)

A short rewind of what's happened in this period of inactivity.

a) I ran a marathon- the Chicago MArathon in pretty much O C-inclement weather. and got the course done. I cramped on mile 13 and had a tough time finishing. No, this is not about my martyrdom, on how I ran and pushed myself across. No, no no :).. Nor is it about the fact that my sister and I managed to raise close to $5,500 to support a few causes back home in India.
http://www.ashanet.org/austin/soh/runners/aniNanurag.html - That's the link folks.

On a related note, my sis and bro-in-law are running a 50km and 50-miler respectively even as I type somewhere in the hills around Houston. Phew! And needless to say, they are trying to raise funds for some projects dear to them.

Everything else has been going great, including, surprisingly, my personal life. :D After a period of uneasiness followed by instability, and then followed by the fluttering of the heart and then by utter chaos-things are slowly but surely and definitely falling into place. And I am glad for that :). And on a related note (yes,again :D) a pair of dear friends are getting married..and yes, to each other, on Christmas... All the best to you two and congratulations.

Now that all of this out of the way...let me get down to some writing...and as usual, I draw up blanks. This has been my problem over the last few months...i draw blank blank blank blank. the blackest blackboard ever faces me when I get down to writing. If I was good enough to be called a writer, I would call it writer's block. But, in my present state of befuddlement, it's got to be utter confusion in my head.....

As one gets older, and gets down to taking stock of reality, of life around him/her, of what one's likes/dislikes-views/preferences are...one gets incredibly mired in the maze- or atleast, that's what I think. For 24 years of my life, I frankly cared a damn about anything around but my own small microcosm of the world, including a few friends, family of course, and my likes and dislikes, and called it "THE WORLD"and worked to make that "WORLD" perfect. Not that I went out of my way to harm anyone, but it was still quite a shallow life. But, I seemed to sleep fine. As I started expanding my views, my horizons, and finally engaged in healthy discussions about stuff other than food,studies and women- things have left me stumped to say the least.

I have had plenty of changes of opinions about life in the past 12 months. And my outlook to life and the urban society in particular has become very very cynical and bleak. There was a hostage situation in the Chicago Ogilvie Station, and that happens to be right in the backyard of where I work. I was quite stumped to see that happen- things re-winded back in my head to Godhra, in 2002- and frankly, being in India back then, there was plenty I could have done- I did nothing, I was not even moved. I was just another pedestrian, untouched soul in the background. I was more affected by the American incidents a year earlier than what happened closer to home. There's not much I can do about setting that "right" now, but it still has left me scarred. Somewhere, deep in most urban-middle class families is the notion "Live for yourself. Thy shalt not be affected by misery of thy neighbour, country-man and even friend". Until, we, the supposedly "cream" of society start opening our eyes to the goings-on around us, we cannot hope to have a democratic world or even nation.

One of the big issues, in my opinion, was of reservation in Indian colleges and hullaboo that followed it. I would love to write about it sometime. Not because I have exalted views that everyone must know, but because, I believe that it changed me on some level- and I am sure it will do to everyone too, only if you are open-minded. The change from "betrayal" by the Govt., to my understanding of my own "betrayal" to myself.

Blatant and hiddenracism,oppression of the poor,hurting the weak,self-centeredness,slave-trade ,sweatshops,corrupt politicians- there are so many things that we all claim to hate and abhor, and yet, choose to turn a dear ear, a blind eye and a lame leg to...

My next few posts shall bring out my dark views on society and it's malaises. I am sure it will make you laugh maybe, or even make you call me cranky. But, it's part of reality! and that reality ain't too bright!

Venom spewing spree :D starting today- and I promise the next few posts will be thoughtfully constructed and written, unlike this one! :)

To be Cont.