Swiss Army Knife and X......
I finally own a Swiss Army Knife!!!!!!what does it mean to me u might ask??? the WORLD actually... why?? Am i swiss? NO.. Am I Army?? NO... and for thePJ Kings among you.. let me humour you... Am i a knife?? NO u asses!!!!!
Then why the khushi you might ask?? it gives me the comfort of having to search always for one item..and not different items each time..that is but a small advantage..the major plus is...i now own the world...I have the power to hypnotize and win over the world ..hehehehe...grin..smirk...power..absolute power.. you dont belive me??
ill give u a small example...
Deserted Parking Lot (School Campus)
Me and my Victorinox Knife... walking..after parking my "P"seud car: suddenly..a whimper.. my extra- sensitive ears hear it..and i whiz to the source of that distressed sound..neadless to say it is a cute woman..else i wouldnt go...(unlike kee...who just needs a woman)
Me: What seems to be the problem?
Woman (W): (dazzled by my good looks ....stunned.... recovers..stutters)..well my car seems to be locked..and i have forogtten my keys in the car...
Me: (thinking to myself) Women are so dumb!!! (btw...i have locked myself out 7 times and counting in 6 months...i even made a spare key..and put it in my wallet..next time i forgot the wallet inside too...hahaha)
Out Loud: Let me see what I can do..
W: thank you mr.....um..can i call u knight in shining armor?
Me: NO!!!!!!( i remember some past instance in life..will reveal it at an appropriate time).. that is for someone else..call me Rag..anurag (no no..i dont use that short form of my name for pseud value...just for the article)
Me: I know what ill do..ill wrench your window..use my stiff wire from my Swiss Army Knife and u will be saved...
W; wow..great..u are sooo smart and so dashing ..(no sarcasm..she really loves me)
Me: looking frantically..one pocket..the other...damn damn...finally...somewhere in the nook of my jacket...(imagine for a sec..taht Forida is colllllllllllllllllllllllld....romanticism works better when cold...with a fire growling too..but cant have that here huh) i find it.. (all happens really fast..another imagination..ever seen the matrix..when time freezes yet is at the same time..watever...) woman still loves my presence of mind.
Here it is...your life-saver..i exhale out...(proudly displaying my swiss army knife).
w: looks awflly difficult to use (the quintessential dumb bimbette needed to make a hit masala story)
After 2 mins..i am efficient..by now..as u can imagine..with my stiff wire..and a wedge (practise makes a man perfect u know)..i open the window...with ease..and the gleam of an arabian thief in my eyes...
W: (really thankful..eyes glistening..).how can i ever repay you??is there something i can do? i mean..anything...anything..for ur kind help..in this terribly freezing night...
Me: is there something i want?? i cant take advantage cos i am her hero( me and ethical.. good joke..but then its my story..so lets play along)..so what can i do??
I know..nows the time to tell the story abt the knight...so i tell her...do me a favor..call this number and ask the guy..."will u be my knight in shining armor..and show me around the Mississippi"
W: yes..anything..though i thought ud ask something else..u are so...whats that word... NOBLE!!!
30 secs later..dialed..ringing...
X.. hey...hello...you have reached X (with a mississippi drawl...read..farmer drawl :P)
W: repeats what i have told her..
X: (babe..asking me out...strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke... is my hair ok..do i smell good..breath ok?? aww shucks..shes on the phone right) Sure lady...
i am black as the night...my hair is like Medusa's..my Touch is like Midas's..but my hear is fair like Aragorn's....and i know the river like i know my body(was that cool enought...i dont know..will have to ask GK later..he thinks) i will show you around the Mississippi....on my horse....
W: (positively scared...what the hell is he talking...looks at me)..i say play on...(btw..the phone is on loudspeaker mode.its a super cool phne.....i have a cool Sony Ericson Walkman phone...and u can also hide the number when u call..for those of u looking for a flaw in the story..of course hte woman culd have used her phone too..but had to show off my phone)
X: i shall be thy knight in shining armor..and shall take u ard...town..and the woods with no fear..thy shall have thy best time of thy life...ok..where do i pick you up?? and when??
W: umm.. i live in Tampa
X: (recollects..Tampa...hmmm.who else lives in Tampa?? sheryl?? tina?? rosy?? who am i kidding..i dont know these girls...damn damn...i remember...Anurag..you !@#$%^&*()...)
(to the woman)..ok lady..thanks for offer.. but i shall take a rain check.... grrr...hang up you fiend...you...donkey .( thats as bad as hell abuse..our man...is well behaved towards women..and he hopes she falls for his chivalrous use of abuses..in spite of obviously being angry.)
W. What was that all about??
Me: another of the great mysteries in life my dear.. to much for ur lil head. go on..go home..and warm the hearth.
W: thank you again...you are weird..but weird in a delightful sense....here have my number..u will call me wont you??
ME: yes my dear...go now,..before i do something stupid...go ...go... (hindi movie style)
I have my laughs...and i open an old wound..and have a new fan thus..the legend of anurag and the swiss army knife lives on...and i keep winning over the pretty women..and the men soon follow. :)
For the uninitiated..which thanks to X's carefulness..is the whole world.other than me...this is based on a true-life incident..minus the swiss knife....:))))))))..dont worry "samm"..oops did i name you?? oh my god..sorry sooo sorry.. :)))))))
ask him for more details....well actualy...i ll give it to you..the dope chatted with me thinking i was a girl for 4 months..and wrote me exciting mails...always springing in the odd prose and poetry..and that "fictional" girl was the first to get his cell number..he was positively opposed to anyone else having it :))))))...man..i had my laughs...:))))))))),...but u are the best a blast to have ard...
and...on-offers are as good as STICKERS...in my view atleast :)
Also the swiss army knife..is a good deal..worth having ard..and the torchlight tht they give is cool too..also doubles as a candle....for those romantic moments..in the woods :)..sigh.....ask X aka.. samm for more details.
Adios amigos..ppl
Then why the khushi you might ask?? it gives me the comfort of having to search always for one item..and not different items each time..that is but a small advantage..the major plus is...i now own the world...I have the power to hypnotize and win over the world ..hehehehe...grin..smirk...power..absolute power.. you dont belive me??
ill give u a small example...Deserted Parking Lot (School Campus)
Me and my Victorinox Knife... walking..after parking my "P"seud car: suddenly..a whimper.. my extra- sensitive ears hear it..and i whiz to the source of that distressed sound..neadless to say it is a cute woman..else i wouldnt go...(unlike kee...who just needs a woman)
Me: What seems to be the problem?
Woman (W): (dazzled by my good looks ....stunned.... recovers..stutters)..well my car seems to be locked..and i have forogtten my keys in the car...
Me: (thinking to myself) Women are so dumb!!! (btw...i have locked myself out 7 times and counting in 6 months...i even made a spare key..and put it in my wallet..next time i forgot the wallet inside too...hahaha)
Out Loud: Let me see what I can do..
W: thank you mr.....um..can i call u knight in shining armor?
Me: NO!!!!!!( i remember some past instance in life..will reveal it at an appropriate time).. that is for someone else..call me Rag..anurag (no no..i dont use that short form of my name for pseud value...just for the article)
Me: I know what ill do..ill wrench your window..use my stiff wire from my Swiss Army Knife and u will be saved...
W; wow..great..u are sooo smart and so dashing ..(no sarcasm..she really loves me)
Me: looking frantically..one pocket..the other...damn damn...finally...somewhere in the nook of my jacket...(imagine for a sec..taht Forida is colllllllllllllllllllllllld....romanticism works better when cold...with a fire growling too..but cant have that here huh) i find it.. (all happens really fast..another imagination..ever seen the matrix..when time freezes yet is at the same time..watever...) woman still loves my presence of mind.
Here it is...your life-saver..i exhale out...(proudly displaying my swiss army knife).
w: looks awflly difficult to use (the quintessential dumb bimbette needed to make a hit masala story)
After 2 mins..i am efficient..by now..as u can imagine..with my stiff wire..and a wedge (practise makes a man perfect u know)..i open the window...with ease..and the gleam of an arabian thief in my eyes...
W: (really thankful..eyes glistening..).how can i ever repay you??is there something i can do? i mean..anything...anything..for ur kind help..in this terribly freezing night...
Me: is there something i want?? i cant take advantage cos i am her hero( me and ethical.. good joke..but then its my story..so lets play along)..so what can i do??
I know..nows the time to tell the story abt the knight...so i tell her...do me a favor..call this number and ask the guy..."will u be my knight in shining armor..and show me around the Mississippi"
W: yes..anything..though i thought ud ask something else..u are so...whats that word... NOBLE!!!
30 secs later..dialed..ringing...
X.. hey...hello...you have reached X (with a mississippi drawl...read..farmer drawl :P)
W: repeats what i have told her..
X: (babe..asking me out...strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke... is my hair ok..do i smell good..breath ok?? aww shucks..shes on the phone right) Sure lady...
i am black as the night...my hair is like Medusa's..my Touch is like Midas's..but my hear is fair like Aragorn's....and i know the river like i know my body(was that cool enought...i dont know..will have to ask GK later..he thinks) i will show you around the Mississippi....on my horse....
W: (positively scared...what the hell is he talking...looks at me)..i say play on...(btw..the phone is on loudspeaker mode.its a super cool phne.....i have a cool Sony Ericson Walkman phone...and u can also hide the number when u call..for those of u looking for a flaw in the story..of course hte woman culd have used her phone too..but had to show off my phone)
X: i shall be thy knight in shining armor..and shall take u ard...town..and the woods with no fear..thy shall have thy best time of thy life...ok..where do i pick you up?? and when??
W: umm.. i live in Tampa
X: (recollects..Tampa...hmmm.who else lives in Tampa?? sheryl?? tina?? rosy?? who am i kidding..i dont know these girls...damn damn...i remember...Anurag..you !@#$%^&*()...)
(to the woman)..ok lady..thanks for offer.. but i shall take a rain check.... grrr...hang up you fiend...you...donkey .( thats as bad as hell abuse..our man...is well behaved towards women..and he hopes she falls for his chivalrous use of abuses..in spite of obviously being angry.)
W. What was that all about??
Me: another of the great mysteries in life my dear.. to much for ur lil head. go on..go home..and warm the hearth.
W: thank you again...you are weird..but weird in a delightful sense....here have my number..u will call me wont you??
ME: yes my dear...go now,..before i do something stupid...go ...go... (hindi movie style)
I have my laughs...and i open an old wound..and have a new fan thus..the legend of anurag and the swiss army knife lives on...and i keep winning over the pretty women..and the men soon follow. :)
For the uninitiated..which thanks to X's carefulness..is the whole world.other than me...this is based on a true-life incident..minus the swiss knife....:))))))))..dont worry "samm"..oops did i name you?? oh my god..sorry sooo sorry.. :)))))))
ask him for more details....well actualy...i ll give it to you..the dope chatted with me thinking i was a girl for 4 months..and wrote me exciting mails...always springing in the odd prose and poetry..and that "fictional" girl was the first to get his cell number..he was positively opposed to anyone else having it :))))))...man..i had my laughs...:))))))))),...but u are the best a blast to have ard...
and...on-offers are as good as STICKERS...in my view atleast :)
Also the swiss army knife..is a good deal..worth having ard..and the torchlight tht they give is cool too..also doubles as a candle....for those romantic moments..in the woods :)..sigh.....ask X aka.. samm for more details.
Adios amigos..ppl
posted by Hitchcock at 12:16 PM
2 Comments:
Hi, Rag!
This one's the first post I've read on your blog, and it's really funny :D
I don't know who 'X' and 'samm' and the rest of the people mentioned in this post are, nevertheless, this is a helluva funny post! :)
sam is roman :)..read his posts...hes pretty good too..
and thanks for dropping in..will do the changes ASAP :)
Post a Comment
<< Home